The day was perfect -- just a few wispy clouds, no wind, and temps in the mid-70's.
After the sale, our group went out to lunch at Chuy's where I got chicken soup and delicious crusty garlic bread. Then we went to a small outlet mall on the south side of town. I bought some new soft, warm jammies and a robe.
I didn't get any photos taken today, but I'll do it before any work gets done. I am still collecting visions of the sort of thing I want to do for my walls around my little patio. I'm pretty excited about all of this. They promised me mid-December for completion of my awning, and I'm going to be even more ready for it by then!
I was a little bit sad during parts of the day today, remembering Michael and what it felt like to be with him. I was looking at what has become my favorite picture of him with me:
.... He looks so healthy here in early 2006, (and he was then), and tonight I miss him so. I just want to look into those adoring eyes again, to hear his voice, to feel his hand holding mine. And I want his assurance that I'm going to be ok, that the pain will ease, that I will be able to somehow find real joy in my life.Whew! That was a sobfest. Now I'm back.
It's not that my life is a whirlpool of despair; it's not. I am getting into some new routines, new habits, and I am taking some pride in the life that I'm making. I'm doing things that I've never done before, and I'm accomplishing them with a sort of timid grace that I never knew I possessed.
But I have fears that I never had before, too. I worry too much about what people are going to think or say. I worry about my taxes. I worry about not being able to give enough.
I am worrying about my upcoming Thanksgiving trip to Denver. I have flown alone - once for a teacher convention - but I don't remember what that was like. I am sure that Michael made my arrangements for me and I do remember that he took me to the airport and back home.
Oh, Sissy Meat...please don't be sad. I cannot imagine what you go through but you should know how proud I am sure Michael would be of you. We all are!
ReplyDeleteAs far as the flying thing, well, you will be a bit closer to Michael up there ;) so just hold out your hand a little bit while flying so he can hold it.
Love you! Sis.
Hi Sister Mine,
ReplyDeleteI really got teary reading your blog tonight. It brought back alot of feelings I had after Jim passed. I had to deal with travel alone, when he did all that. It works out in the end. I still can't bring myself to go out to dinner alone even after seven years.
Redecorating the house etc. was a little difficult, as I wondered if I was getting the right price for things, getting the right person or company to do the work, or if I even needed to do the work at all.
Things get done as they get done. We must just accept that our judgements are good ones and go from there.
Love you and see you on Monday
Me