Staying in Bed

Today is one of those days that I should have fed the pets and then gotten back into bed. It's been raining since about 6 last evening, and it lightninged and thundered last night. Today it's raining these very wet little drops and it's only 45°. I see on my desktop weather thing that it's 50 and sunny in Bloomington! Wanna talk about unfair? And I traveled across hill and dale, far from all my good Bloomington friends for.. this?

Tuesday is hiking day and so I got suited up and headed to the clubhouse to find a note on the door -- no hiking today. So I came back here, shed my boots, jacket, and hat, and plopped into my chair. I'll go walking later, when I hope it's sunny and lovely.

I just looked at the forecast, and they are saying high of 52 today, rain continuing with thunderstorms, 57 and sunny tomorrow. But 57 for a high when it's sunny? That's pretty chilly for here. I guess it is wintertime, though, after all, and, in the main, it's an easier winter here than in Bloomington, I keep telling myself.

Now I have 3 presents under the little tree. I have only 3 holiday cards, too. Maybe people took me off their list when Michael died. In case you want to send me a card, my friend Suzanne is forwarding my mail from Bloomington every few days, so I will get it! Use the snailmail addy on my contact page. And if you don't want to send me a card, use that hotmail address on my contact page and email me! Just please don't send me an e-card. I do not open e-cards.

I still can't believe sometimes that Michael is really gone, and won't be coming back. It feels funny to go out shopping or to get ice cream or whatever without him. Even if I go with a friend, it seems like he should be there too. I make up for his absence by talking about him. :) And while Bloomington does hold memories for things that I had done without him, I don't have the same memories here. Here, we were always together - 24/7 - so the loneliness is stark.

When I go to parties or out with friends, I'm always the odd one; I guess other widows (and there are other widows) don't go out or don't have the same friends I do. And to add insult to injury, they have dances and things here for which they charge $15 a person, or $25 a couple. "Just find a date," they say to me. But I'm not dating, and I'm not going to pretend to date so that I can enjoy a discount on a dance. Sheesh. Everyone here is either a widow or working toward that status. Half of the people in the park will be widowed, if they make it that far. Widows should be rewarded, not punished. There. End of rant for now. ;)

I have discovered that I really enjoy Mah Jong. I have a computer game and it's great fun. I may play a bit today. :) When I get good enough, I'll go down and join the clubhouse group, who doubtless play a cut-throat version!