And then after Michael died, I had a hard time remembering what his voice sounded like. I could hear the little mumbling "bih fih bih" speech that characterized his last days. And I could remember what he had said, and how he said it, on our phone answering machine, but I couldn't hear him saying anything else. I suppose it's normal to want to sort of bottle up the good memories, so that I can put them away, so it's been frustrating to me, to have this one important aspect of Michael that I could not retrieve.
Well, this morning as I was awakening, I lay in bed and I could suddenly hear Michael's voice again! I heard him first on the phone, saying, "I'll prescribe an antibiotic for you..." That's something that I'd hear him say frequently. And "Is there a pharmacist near you?"
Then I heard him say, "I love you," the way he said it when it was just washing over him anew. And I could see him, sitting across from me at the California Pizza Kitchen, saying just that.
Now, I can hear all of the things. I hear his laugh. I hear him say "I can't even believe it!" I hear him call me "Mommy," and I hear him taking to Maddy and Eddie. I'm not sure how common it is to lose a memory of someone's voice, to miss it so, and then to get it back, but what a joy!
Janee,
ReplyDeleteWhat sweet memories. Ask Michael's secretary for old dictated tapes of his, look for answering machine messages he recorded -- or just call upon your memories.
I had a client die unexpectedly, and I mailed his wife deposition tapes with his voice. She loved them. Boring stuff, like, "State your name for the record," but music to the ears of her and her children.
Although I only met Michael one time, I was impressed by the unending love you two held for one another.
Lynell
As far as remembering Michael, the one I remember most was of one of my long line of elbow surgeries. I was on the orthopedic floor. Apparently he had found out I was there, and came up with the full doctor outfit. I am not sure but what he had added instruments just to add to the effect. Anyway he comes in to the room and talks to me for a bit and gives me a bit of a pep talk about how good of doctors I had. But then the nurse comes he and he turns around and starts giving her a "hard time". I don't know how long it took her to catch on, but he was joking in that really serious tone that someone had really messed up and I was on the wrong floor, and that he needed me immediately transferred to his "floor".
ReplyDeleteIt was one of the few things to laugh about in the hospital.
Ray kb9lgs
I can still remember Michaels
ReplyDeletevoice as he jokingly told me,
"Bob, Breathing is highly over
rated." Sounds like you relived
some great memories at that moment when you woke up.
Love Robert
I love this! this sounds like my Janee!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Kath