Monday, October 01, 2012
Celebrating Love
Today commemorates the fifth anniversary of Michael's last day of life. I've been sort of silently weepy, since I'm thinking about him alone.
It is odd to me that more and more, and in increasing numbers every day, people whom I know now didn't know Michael. I've even been asked if I'm divorced. That always makes me bristle.
And, while Jack knew Michael, I know he doesn't like hearing about him all the time. So it's just you and me tonight, Michael. It's us! Oh, how I miss you! How I ache to feel your arm around me, to hear your laugh, and your gentle and reassuring counsel. How I miss your unquestioning, unwavering, and unconditional adoration. I wish I could kiss your cheek one more time. I wish I could feel your hand in my hair. I wish I could hear you telling me you're proud of me.
God, will this pain never end? I know that it has abated some. I go sometimes a month without crying now. I still long to find my creative spark again. I know Michael would want me to, and I want it for myself. Bbbbb... Enough blubbering. Tomorrow will be a new day.
Location : Mohave, Tucson, AZ 85710,
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I have entered my own journey in widowhood. So if it helps I deeply understand. My grief strikes me in waves-- most of the time I'm under control. Sometimes I want to tell him again how much I loved him. I wish peace and comfort for you.
ReplyDeleteI had a husband like that, also. I lost him when he was 35 to cancer. It's twenty seven years later, and if I think about him too much, I cry.
ReplyDeleteI've remarried and taken up a new career. I travel and ride a bike. But the drive that I had to be someone special has floated away.
I feel the best when I am helping others. Maybe it's because I know that I helped John to have a wonderful life even after his diagnosis and up to his death. I could not change the outcome, but we enjoyed each day, as I expect you and Michael did.
And when I am the most teary I force myself to think of one good part of the day that I am living now.
You have been blessed, as I have. So let yourself feel it all.
Sue
No one understands unless they have been there. It will be ten years for me in March. It is a lonely rememberance as things change...time goes on. I have remarried, and he is a wonderful man! We travel and have a life I never dreamed of... but there are those times...still. Thoughts and prayers are with you as you face those lonely times.
ReplyDeleteHas the season at far horizons started? What are you up to? Are you hiking still?
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