Friday, October 05, 2007

Denial and Anger

I am doing fine. I think that I'm in the Denial/Anger stage of grieving, and I'm sort of watching myself in this process as if I were watching a movie. I'm sort of waiting for him to come home, yanno? Even though he hadn't worked or driven in 14 months, I still feel like he's going to call or come up the driveway. I actually asked the funeral home guys if they would call me if he should happen to wake up! One of the guys said, "Believe me, you're the first one we'll call!" They were great.

And I'm angry, but not at Michael or at Death or that he left me. I'm mad at our Hospice, who never seemed to have their act together enough to be here for me when I needed them. I'm mad at our long-term care insurance provider who couldn't give me ANY help without my filling out 20 pages of forms. Puhleeeze! I didn't have time to go to the bathroom! I try to smile while I drive, so that I won't cuss at other drivers or do dumb things.

A good friend came over yesterday and helped me to clean out Michael's closet. I'm leaving for the winter in Tucson in a couple of weeks, and I think that it'll be better for me to come home to less to do. The pharmacy and Hospice came the next day to get the hospital equipment out of the house. Gosh, it was tough to live with that stuff in my little house, even when I needed it!

4 comments:

  1. You have every right to be mad, Janee. I hope you let the culprits know how disappointing they are.

    Lynell

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  2. Sis, it was sure great to see you today - and thanks again for the Ritter's. Aaron called back and Angie's mom is going to watch his kids tomorrow, so I am back down to 2! :)

    We would have to try to find a 2-week period for a vacation to your neck of the winter woods (AZ) because of the added drive time. We also would have to bring our dog and she does not travel well. We are seriously thinking about it, though. We will see how it works out.

    Love and kisses. Sis.

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  3. sister i read your blog. Wish I was there to be with you for a while. Annettes Idea of comeing down to Arizona is a good one. Molly and I could come in feb or march i think. If i was there we
    could go hiking at a state park.
    would be so much fun. Brudder

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  4. We love you Janee. There's nothing I can say that's not already been said, so I'll leave it at that.

    -JT

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