Saturday, January 19, 2013

The Story of My Life

I won't name it that, but I've been thinking ... forever... about writing this down. It seems to me that I have a lot to say. But there are some issues that I have -- questions. I read someplace that we shouldn't write our autobiography as if we are the hero of the story. We should not make ourselves out to be martyrs. And, I guess, when I think of what I came through, I feel like a hero.

It seems to me like people would want to know my real feelings and about what really happened, through my eyes, but how do I deal with the stuff about which I'm not proud? I guess everyone has these things, but how do we deal with them in an autobiographical setting? It seems that, to leave them out, would be perpetuating a lie.

That is what I did in my diary, way back when. I remember writing several pages about the sexual abuse I was undergoing at the time, and then later tearing out pages and crossing parts out in such a way that no one could ever see what I wrote. I would love to see what I wrote. I know that I believed then, and for many years thence, that I was responsible for what was going on.

(I've since made peace with myself about that, realized that, as a child, I was not at fault. Men who don't know better, or who know better and don't care, will pick up on a little girl's flirting. Little girls flirt. Responsible adults tell them to run along and play.)

But anyway... things about which I'm truly ashamed, like stuff I did as a young adult, things I've done which have hurt other people, things I've thought of doing to hurt other people... How do I deal with those in my autobiography? I think that this is the stumbling block that keeps me from telling my story, much of which for I'm rightfully proud, and which I think would be good reading.

1 comment:

  1. Autobiography---almost a overwhelming task. I do think to make the story a good one has to put some of the bad things in----After all we are all flawed in someway because we are human.

    Sexual abuse is never the child's fault. What creeps me out is the perpetrators of these crimes never really understand their wrong.
    I'm sorry this happened to you

    You could make an outline and see if is interesting and make a good read.

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